what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
