so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
