I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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