So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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