Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
