i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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