i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
