He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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