new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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