I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
