mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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