Jerry, you need to find god
too bad you live with your parents still
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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