just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Small penises have feelings too.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
