I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
