It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
