i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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