it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
