Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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