he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
