If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish i was in the wii world.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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