I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
