I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
