yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just found a bag of teeth...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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