You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
