Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
