don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
