Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
