He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
