rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
