you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
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I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
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He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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