Just cropdusted the office
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
