1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
