it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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