the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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