mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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