there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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