when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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