I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
