Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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