some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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