There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
