yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I am available for nakedness
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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