I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
never play flip cup with pint glasses
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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