I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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