u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
