Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
