That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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