stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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