Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
