We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
