the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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