Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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