i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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