it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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