They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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