My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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