The best revenge is premature balding
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
