one two three fourrrrnication!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
