New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
