if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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