Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
