guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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