Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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