are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
