I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't deserve a penis
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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