We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
