I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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