My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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