Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
