just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
