i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
