She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
