I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
