He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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