I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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