You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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