Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
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Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
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Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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