I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
