I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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