My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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