Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
