Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize