I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
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I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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