worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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