I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
